Addiction (Pt. 2): 'Addict-Friendly' Church
It was on 22nd April 2014 that journalist, presenter and public speaker, Lauren Windle got clean and sober from a cocaine and alcohol addiction, before becoming a Christian five days later.
We're delighted to have Lauren writing a four-part mini-series on addiction for Jubilee+ (second post below).
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If church is an inclusive haven for the least, the last and the lost – why do so many of us feel like we struggle to fit in? I think everyone has experienced a sense of feeling like they’re the outsider in church settings, but there are some simple things you can do to make sure anyone struggling with an addiction is safe and comfortable in your church family.
Look after your leaders
Firstly, make sure that anyone in leadership in your church understands what addiction looks like and has taken inventory of their own relationship with; alcohol, drugs – prescription or otherwise, sex, pornography, money, relationships, food, exercise and anything else that may be relevant. If someone needs support – they need to feel confident that they can say so, and that the right systems are in place for them to get that help. Healthy leaders are a must.
Acknowledge trauma
Many people who struggle with addictive behaviours have experienced some trauma. That can be any number of things; sexual assault, bullying, domestic violence, unstable home life and, sadly, poor treatment at the hands of the church. Tread lightly with people when you don’t know their full story. Show them love and only love while you get to know them. Don’t dive in with a challenge and don’t judge them – you have no idea what they’ve been through. Very importantly – don ’t expect someone in your church to live like the ‘perfect Christian’ just because they’ve given their life to Jesus. I became a Christian five days after I gave up drugs and alcohol, but I kept smoking for another year and a half. Was that the ideal? No. Did Jesus challenge me on it? No. I needed it for a while and God was full of grace for me as I started to piece my life back together. Faith and life and recovery are about progress not perfection and everyone has a different starting point.
Be clear about events and alcohol policy
As a recovering alcoholic, my strong preference is that no alcohol is served in a church building. I understand that many churches host weekends away, socials and some even head off to the pub after a service – but the actual church building, I believe that should be a space of safety and comfort.
For me being around alcohol is like being punched in the stomach. I’ve learned to be punched, so I’ll go to pubs, restaurants and parties when I know people will be drinking. I just tense my stomach and take the hit. When I don’t feel strong enough – I don’t show up. What feels like absolute freedom to me, is walking into an event and knowing that tensing up won’t be necessary – I would love that to be the case in all churches and at a decent number of church social activities.
For events when a church will have alcohol available, I don’t think that should be implied, I think it should be specified. Just a quick note on the marketing material makes all the difference: ‘Both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drink options will be available’. That way I, and others in my position, can decide if they are in the right place to show up.
When it comes to communion, I recognise this is more complicated. There are many denominations and church leaders who would never consider serving non-alcoholic wine, and that decision is way above my paygrade. But I have been in churches where all wine is non-alcoholic and it frees me up to focus on God in communion in a way that I usually can’t. It means I don’t have to sit it out or muscle my way to the one person holding the Ribena goblet and then do the alcoholic and gluten free person’s walk of shame against the tide back to my seat. It makes me feel welcome and wanted.
Welcome people, welcome people
The final job for anyone in a church, is to make sure that they themselves, feel welcome in that community. That may mean showing up at more events or joining a small group or having more people round for dinner. The fact is, once you feel welcome – you’ll be able to extend that welcome far more effectively. You have to be on the inside to bring others in. Jesus has issued the invitation and we have to RSVP yes. It doesn’t matter if you think some others don’t want you there or that you don’t deserve the invite in the first place. It’s your job to accept that you are wanted and valuable and to make sure others feel the same.
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Lauren Windle is a journalist, presenter and public speaker, published by Vogue, Marie Claire, Huffington Post, Red Magazine, Mail Online, The Sun Online, Fabulous Digital, The Star, Church Times and others. She also heads up the digital opinion page for Premier’s Woman Alive and presents a weekly show on dating app Salt’s YouTube channel. On 22 April 2014 she got clean and sober from a cocaine and alcohol addiction and became a Christian five days later. She has a master’s in Addiction Studies, runs a charity recovery course for people struggling with addiction and, in 2018, gave a TEDx Talk about her personal story of addiction and recovery. You can connect with Lauren @_lauren_celeste on Instagram and Twitter.
